Joy Comes With the Morning

Dear Dad,

It seems like nighttime is the most difficult. I don’t know if it is because of the darkness, or if it is because of the quiet, but that’s when I miss you the most. I just keep looking at your picture and thinking about how I can’t give you a hug or laugh with you or squeeze your hand anymore. This isn’t easy, but I know it will get better. Sometimes I want so badly not to be positive anymore. I don’t always want to put a smile on my face or even get out of bed in the morning. But if I did those things then your passing wouldn’t mean anything. If there is anything that I can take from your life it is your eternal optimism. That is one thing that everyone keeps talking about, how positive you always were. Even when you were slowly fading from this world, you just kept joking and smiling. “Don’t worry, be happy” is what you told me when I asked what I am going to do without you. So that is what I need to do. At a time when some people would think you would be the one needing comfort you were comforting all of us instead. I want to strive everyday to carry out that legacy for you, dad. To never complain, always smile and make people laugh. To lift others up and look beyond myself because that is what your life was about. I know that every night when you closed your eyes you could say you lived your life and you lived it for Christ. I want to be able to say that every day of my life. So, when it gets quiet and it’s dark outside and all I want to do is cry and give up, I will remember your life and what it meant. I will remember the peace that you had in your final weeks, days and hours. You never gave up and you never stopped being you; the person who could make others laugh instantly and could light up anyone’s day. I will remember that joy comes with the morning. You were always my rock, dad, even your physical body was no longer strong, even in your passing. I love you so much, dad, and will live every day to continue to make you proud. I know things will get better and I know I will become a stronger woman of God through all of this, but for now I am just going to continue to lean on you and on Christ.

Love you Bunches,
Cassie Winnie


PS – on a lighter note, we finalized the reception plans yesterday! We also started filling our party favors with candy. It is going to be so beautiful dad. In 30 days, your little girl will be a married woman :) I’m sure glad you love Aaron because I can't imagine anyone more perfect to take care of me for you.