In My Dreams

Dear Dad,

I dreamed of you last night. Perhaps it’s because I have been writing letters to you again or perhaps it’s simply because you have been on my heart. In my dream, you were dying but you weren’t in the hospital or at Trillium. You were home and you were in Seedie’s room in her bed, not in your hospital bed. You were even lying on your side which I know you couldn’t do for a long time before you left. We kept thinking you had taken your last breath but then you would still be there. You were completely coherent, not halfway in another world like you were in real life. In my dream I went out to my car to get something and Seedie came running out and said, “That’s it, he is gone for real this time. It’s over.” So I went into your room to say goodbye. You were lying on your side with your legs curled up and I grabbed your hand and it was still warm. I held your hand for a minute and then you took a deep, gasping breath and said, “Thank you, I needed that.” And we smiled at each other and cried together... then I woke up. I am not sure what any of it means but I am so glad I got to hear your voice again. I have missed it so much. At the same time, it has left me a little down today. It really brings to light the lack of having you here. It reminded me that I can’t just go over to your house and hang out with you anymore. It reminded me how different my life has become without you. But it also reminded me of how free you are now, no longer incapable of walking or even moving. No longer trapped. I love you papa, thanks for the visit.

Love you bunches,
Cassie Winnie